paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
