"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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