I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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