Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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