If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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