but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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