Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
