This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize