I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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