I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Actions speak louder than pants.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
