Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
should my penis look like a turkey
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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