This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
