I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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