Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
