I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
