i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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