I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
