Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
