I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
