Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize