She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
