Kiss
Puke
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
