Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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