you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
