Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
