When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
