I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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