Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
