Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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