Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can't turn off my feet"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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