i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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