you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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