When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
