I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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