I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
