So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
