quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
