I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
