there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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