but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
