shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Someone signed my nipple.
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