The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
