We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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