I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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