idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
