the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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