so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
