based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
