I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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