You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
