They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
