You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's get the cat blown out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
