he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So vagazzling was a success
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
