of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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