Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
