You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So many bounce houses so little time
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
