The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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