By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
