I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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