We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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