My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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