And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
