I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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