I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The adults are the big ones right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
