my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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