Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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