i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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