I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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