How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
