I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
