Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
