So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
