I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
