They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
