I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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