Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
