she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize